Author: Steffano Perales
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Una sa lahat, itatagalog ko nalang toh para mas comportable sa mga nag.babasa at sa akin na rin. Bakit ba? haha
Gumising ng tanghali, mag.gayak at maghahabol ng oras para hindi maiwan ng shuttle. Pagdating sa office log in agad sa biometric at papasok sa mala-bulwagang opisina. Sa araw-araw ng ginawa ng diyos etoh ang lagi kung nakikita mga kulay blue na cubicles, blue na upuan, at blue na wall halos lahat blue.May nasabi na ba akong blue? Hindi ko alam kung paborito ata ng mga boss kung koreano ang blue kaya pati mukha at utak nila blue na rin. Oh diba parang smurfs lang (joke lang).
Hindi ko naman talaga pinangarap ang maging English teacher, eh kasi naman indi ako pinagpala sa math kaya no choice ako. HRM ang natapos kung kurso. Nag.sawa lang ako sa kakasagot sa mga reklamo ng mga guests sa hotel. Wala na silang ibang alam kundi gawing miserable ang buhay naming mga staff. “Any reservations Sir?, “Yeah, under the name of Mr.Amoyuck”, “Alright sir here is the key to your Penthouse suit”, “ah, penthouse saang floor yun? Ay Shunga etoh.
“Anong klaseng serbisyo meron kayo? hindi ako makapasok sa room ko, wala kayong binigay na susi!!!!, “Maam hawak nyo na yung susi”, “Anong akala mo sakin tanga? Eh card toh.”, “Electronic key card po yan maam, i.swipe niyo lang po” “Enjoy your stay maam, bangungutin ka sana” just kidding.
Pano ba ako naging guro?
Eh di nag.apply. Isang taon na akong nagtatrabaho bilang ESL Teacher o mas masarap sabihing British and Standard American Accent Coach for Chinese and Koreans. Sosyal ba? Indi ah nilagyan ko lng ng arte yan haha. Special account ang hawak namin, we teach kids ages ranging from 4 to 18 years old. Pero sa account na to Korean lahat ang clients namin.
Masaya magturo, ang mahirap lang kung ang student mo mas tamad pa sa gumawa ng flag ng Japan. Nasabi ko nga, ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mga teachers ko noon. Nakaganti na rin sila. Ang saya-saya.
The following are our burdens of shall I say bloopers.
Hindi lahat ng magiging studyante mo may alam na sa Ingles.
Teacher: How are you feeling this beautiful Friday?
Student: How are you feeling this beautiful Friday?
Teacher: I mean, are you fine?
Student: I mean, are you fine?
Teacher: Oh honey, please do not repeat the sentence. It is a question for you.
Student: ah… It is a question for you.
Oh diba paulet-ulet lang, ansakit sa brain kpag ganito yung client mo.
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Teacher: Can you please make a sentence using the word book?
Student: I love reading book.
Teacher: Very good! Make another sentence.
Student: Another book.
Gusto ko na mg.tumbling hahah
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Teacher: The title of our lesson for tonight is, “Molly’s Victory”. Do you know what is the word ‘victory’ mean?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Great! What does it mean?
Student: Twilight vampire.
Oh huh? sorry Kilala niya si Victoria
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Teacher: What is your favorite animal?
Student: My dad. ang sweet naman
bulabog, sa zoo siguro nakatira to
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Expect the unexpected. Lesson niyo is about Sports game, tapos magtatanong siya ng ganito:
Student: Teacher, why barbecue has stick? Sobrang relevant ng tanong eh noh
Teacher: at dahil natural akong mapamaraan “Oh that is a brilliant question, I would love to answer that but I’m afraid our time is running out, and that will be your assignment. “
Ang akala ko ligtas na ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng gamot ang nalunok nito at anlakas ng ganang magtanong.
Student: Teacher, what is the world second anti-dandruff shampoo?
Teacher: I really don’t know.
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May iba naman talagang ayaw magsalita. Naubos lahat ng shakra powers mo sa kaka.repeat after me pero sasagot lang sila ng ‘YES”. Ang sarap ilublob sa tubig diba.
Teacher: Did you go to your academy class today?
Student: Yes. Maayos ang sagot sa simula
Teacher: What time did you finish all your classes?
Student: Yes. Sabi ko sayo eh
Teacher: Are you an idiot?
Student: Yes. Haha jowk lng toh naman
Kung ayaw mag.salita pakantahin mo.
Teacher: Today, I am going to teach you a new song. The title is Ba baa black sheep.
Student: Ba baa black sheep?
Teacher: No, super bass!
try natin
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Weakness nila ang R and L consonant sounds.
Student: Teacher, I have good news.
Teacher: Wonderful, may I know what the news is?
Student: I am now excellent in my R and L sounds.
Teacher: Really, bring it on.
Student: Ludolf the led noise leindeer have vely shiny nose.
palakpakan may kasamang sigawan at ipasok sa banga.
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Meron naman na sobrang talino at mahilig mamilosopo. Akala niya siguro hindi ako ng.aral ng logic and Philosophy major in stupidity.
Teacher: (lesson about email) Do you have an email?
Student: of course! What you think of me.? Aba sumasagot
Teacher: What is letter “E” stands for in the word email?
Student: enternational.
Hindi ko alam kung iinit ulo ko sa kanya o hahagalpak ako sa tawa. tangIna bro
Etoh pa.
Student: Teacher, do you eat apple?
Teacher: sure
Student: You know what, in America, only donkeys eat apple.
Teacher: Lee, do you eat banana?
Student: yes teacher.
Teacher: You know what, in the Philippines, only monkeys eat banana.
Basag! Oh cge, mgtanong kapa haha.
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Ng.aadd sila ng residual ‘e’ sound at the end of the word.
Teacher: What is your favorite fruit?
Student: I like orangee
Teacher: How did you spend your Sunday?
Student: I went to churchee.
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Sa ganito uri ng trabaho dapat magaling ka sa puzzle. Dahil kung hindi, magkka. epistaxis ka.
Teacher: How’s your day going so far?
Student: My mother fire my grandmother.
Teacher: Oh my! Why? What happened? (I thought there was a shooting incident)
Student: My grandma is dead that’s why my mother fire her.
Teacher: Ah got it, you mean cremation?
Student: oh yes my grandma cremated.
Diyos ko po.
Eto pa.
Teacher: What did you do last weekend?
Student: I drive my car to the pool?
Teacher: Huh? Is that how you wash your car?
Student: ah no, we had swimming not the car.
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Dapat bolero ka. I.commend mo sila kahit indi naman karapat dapat. Para saan? Para magkalas loob silang mg.participate.
It has been 5 minutes and your client still wont talk.
Teacher: can you say hello?
Student: HELLO!!! Pasigaw pa yan, very touching.
Teacher: Wow, you have beautiful voice! (Exaggerated) I love it! Why don’t you talk much so I could hear your amazing voice more. (kahit sa loob ko, gusto ko na siyang saksakin sa mata haha biro lang)
Student: Really teacher? Thank you.
Naniwala naman ang shunga, kaya ayon dumaldal bigla.
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Blow blow blow blow your phone gently down the stream. Angrily., angrily, angrily, angrily, my life is a stupid dream. Eto yung students na kapag ng.sasalita ka hinihipan nila yung microphone. Sobrang sakit sa tenga at baka lumabas ang ear drums ko nilalayo ko nalang yung headset.
Teacher: How’s the weather like in your country?
Student: affuuuuuuh!!! Affuuuuhhh!
Teacher: Ang sarap mg.drop call. Please sweety do not blow the mic, it’s very annoying.
Student: affuuuuuuh!!! Affuuuuhhh!
Teacher: Well it seems, you are not interested to study our lesson today. We will just play a game instead. (that captures her attention)
Student: What game????
Teacher: Blowing game! I want you to blow the microphone as long as you could.
Student: affuuhhh!
Teacher: one more time!
Student: affuuhhhh……affuuuuuuuuuuhhh!!
Teacher: Harder! Release more air! Com’on!
Student: affuuhhh!… affuuhhh!!!!!!!!! affuuhhh!………………………..1 minute natahimik siya.
Teacher: Are you still on the line?
Student: Wheew! I am tired.
Oh ayan cge mgblow kpa, lang hiya toh.
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Para sa mga students under basic level. Speak slowly. Yung tipong mas mabagal pa sa wifi connection ng kapit bahay niyo.
Teacher: How……..3sec……are….5sec….you……? haha pati question mark kasama.
Student: huh?
Teacher: Are……..5sec….you….6sec…..doing……..…..10sec….good?
Student: I don’t know!
Teacher: Let us just start our lesson. Tangina neto.
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Kung akala mo lahat sila masunurin nagkakamali ka. Mareklamo din sila.
Nagamit mo na atah lahat na commas o pauses sa speech mo hindi ka parin nila maintindihan.
Student: Teacher, why do you talk so fast?
Teacher: and why do you listen so slow? Adik toh
Minsan hindi lahat ng sinabi nila ay ang gusto nilang iparating sayo.
Teacher: What did you have in your dinner?
Student: I milk myself.
Teacher: (wag kang mgisip ng iba, icorrect mo nlang siya) It is better to say it this way, I drank milk.
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Ilang beses na uminit ulo ko sa kanila. Kahit gaano kahabang pasensiya ang ibinigay mo sa kanila, hindi mo rin naiiwasan yung takasan ka ng katinuan. Sisigiwan ka naman ng studyante mo tapos babagsakan ka ng telepono. Unti-unti ng natatanggalan ang buttons ng keyboard ko diko kasi maiwasang ihampas eh lol. Para maibsan man lang ang init ng ulo ko sini.shake ko na lang monitor ko sabay sabing I love my job…I love my job ng paulet.ulet parang sira lang.
Minsan naman pumuputok na ang mga ugat ko sa pagpigil ng aking tawa, ayaw ko kasing tatawanan yung pagkakamali nila. Bagkus mas pinapalakas ko pa ang loob nila na mas maging madaldal pa. Wag silang matakot na magkamali sa grammar nila. Dahil kung takot sila sa pagkakamali, hinding-hindi sila magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob para gumawa ng tama. Sige lang, make many sentences as you can. I’m always listening. If you commit mistakes, I will help you to make it right, make it better.
There were some instances that you tend to experience vocabulary crisis. Paano mo ba naman kasi i.explain ang salitang “frown” sa isang 4 years old over the phone na walang alam sabihin kundi YES or No lang. Nakaka.disorient pare.
Gayunman hindi ko pa naman naisipang isuko toh. (Aru may plano? Hehe) Dito kasi nasusubok yung pagging effective teacher mo. Marami pang dahilan kung bakit ang sarap magturo. Yung sa kabila ng kabulastugang ginawa ng student mo sasabihin niya parin sayo “Teacher, I passed my English test, thank you so much for teaching me” ang sarap pakinggan kaya sabi ko nalang “Ulol” haha
Before I was transferred to this account, I used to handle adult clients ages ranging from 18 to 55 years old. I had a student. She is a watch designer in Timex. She asked me once “Did you study in LA or in Cambridge?”, Nope, I said. “How come you sound like a real American? How come you speak English very well?”, I just said”Because I am a Filipino. I am not a product of any expensive Universities; I haven’t been in states or in London.”
Perhaps one of the huge reasons why I get inspired in teaching is to see the profound determination of my students. Yun tipong kahit nagka.bali.bali na yung dila nila para ma.prounce lang ng maayos ang salitang “Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” ay sige tuloy parin tapos inom muna ng tubig.
Sa profession na to, dito ko mas natutunan ang kahalagahan ng education para sa mga bata. Dito ko mas na.exercise ang aking metric tons of patience. Dito ko mas naitindihan kung paano ba ang pagtuturo ng isang guro mula sa pananaw ng isang bata.If the child is not learning the way you are teaching, then you must teach in the way the child learns. For me, teaching is not just a two way process. It is not just about imparting knowledge. It is all about UNDERSTANDING, you have to put yourself under your student while standing beside him. Kaya sa lahat ng mga ESL Teachers, I salute you guys! Keep rockin!
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